It's early 2012 and I'm playing The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Why? Because I (finally) can. Join me on my path to glory and the stabilization of the status quo in almost-Tolkien-land.
I follow the path West and
run into a woman clad in fur-armor, wielding a huge hammer attacking
me. After a bit of a scuffle, she lays dead on the ground and a
juvenile curiosity lets me strip her down, taking all her stuff.
Leaving the underwear-clad corpse behind I go on my way, killing some
wolves that are foolish enough to attack me. I have bought myself a
steel claymore from that orcish woman to have a backup-weapon in case
my sword degrades too much again. Having a backup-weapon is
important, I figure, if your blade gets dull after two dozen cuts.
Along the road I pass an
inn, an actual traveler (not a bandit) and I run into an imperial
legionnaire riding on a horse spawning directly in front of me and
yelling at me to watch where I'm going. Whatever, asshole, I was
materialized this whole time. I get to the ruins as it starts to rain
– I really like the weather-effects in this game, they almost make
up for the lack of a proper sun – and am attacked by two skeletons,
one with an axe and one with a bow. I destroy them and then clear out
their comrades from the upper parts of the ruins. I enter the wooden
door, searching for the door that the key the gladiator gave would
open in the dungeon beneath this fortress. And maybe some of that
elusive wine.
There are wolves down
here, weird, as the door was closed and even if they could open
doors, how would they close them? Doesn't matter, I shoot them with
my bow and then fight them with the claymore in order to spare my
main weapon the wear and tear. Somewhere in the dungeon there is a
hallway where I spot humanoid shapes patrolling so I get back and
check out the locked door I passed earlier. It's the one for the key.
I walk in and hear a voice asking who's there so I start sneaking.
Now I'm not good at sneaking and as soon as I have cleared the misty
trench that separates the entrance area of this section from what
looks like a living-quarter, a man attacks me with a knife, talking
about how hungry he is. The game informs me that he is the half-orcs
father, lover of his orcish housemaid, noble and, apparently quite
insane. I wish there was an option to parlay, as I have food I could
give him and I don't want to kill him but he leaves me no choice and
after taking about a third of Martors health bar he drops to the
ground, dead. I search through his stuff, first feeling sad upon
finding a half-written love-letter, then feeling a bit relieved upon
reading in his diary that he was secretly a vampire and that he was
locked up here so he wouldn't kill his child. Vampires can have
children? With orcs? What is this, fucking Twilight? I fail to
collect the diary, make my way back out the ruins and get back to
daylight. I don't think I feel like traveling by normal means
anymore and surrender to using the fast-travel function of the map.
Something about donkeys right next to the Kvatch refugee-camp. Weird,
I didn't notice anything. I fast-travel there.
A door in the hillside
behind a rock? I didn't see that earlier so I enter. I hear two women
talk about the fucking swordsman-guild hiring. Then they see me and
attack me. They are carbon-copies of the female bandit I killed and
stripped on my way out earlier so I figure they're with the same
gang. I quickly learn that I cannot fight both of these heavy hammers
in tight quarters at the same time, as they bash against my shield,
stunning me enough for the other one to hit me so I run. I
load-screen out the door, look back and see that, yes, they are
following me. Time to test something. How will the civilians in the
refugee-camp, about 100 meters away react? I run there and hope that
the two women aren't actually civilians with a genuine reason to kill
me for trespassing. They aren't, the refugees yell stuff at them and
form a lynching-mob, throwing punches and even Martin tossing around
some spells. The two robbers go down quickly and I take their stuff
to immedeatly sell it to the orcish blacksmith. Then I talk to
Martin. Let's do this, I say. I lay my life in your hands he says. We
share a long look. Then I hit fast-travel.
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